Shadows of the Soul
by Neon Star
Summary: PG for massive angst. Elrond finally breaks under his sorrows, and Glorfindel comforts him. And what happens when the tables are turned? Not Slash.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own them, Tolkien does.   
Just to say this, this is not slash, and it will not become slash. These two have known each other for an extremely long time, and are closer then brothers, and have no attraction in that area. This is just a little fic showing that even the strongest break down when it becomes unbearable. Plus I just like to give Elrond and Glorfindel grief. ;) This a two part story, second part will be up soon.  
  
  
Shadows of the Soul  
  
For the Lord of Imladris, it had been a trying day. For one that was to be strong enough to hold all burdens of his people within himself, it was beyond the limit. Everything had reminded him of his grievances, and every step was becoming harder.  
  
It started with Arwen's leaving. His little girl, his child, was leaving him, and was going to die. She was going to age beside his adopted son, who he loved just as much. When Aragorn died, she would die as well, either by grief or age. Elladan and Elrohir were staying as well, their choice unanswered. It scared him deeply, for he knew Elladan was starting to favor being mortal, and whatever one decided, the other would follow. For the two could not live without the other, the bond in them was far too strong. But he would lose one, maybe all three, to death, the same that had taken his own twin from him.  
  
Elros, bright, clear, brave Elros, who chose to be counted among the Men, and died of old age. The memory was forever burned into the mind of Elrond, his dear twin taking his last breath, and his life ending.   
  
But Elrond's pains went beyond even that. The abandonment of his parents, the death of so many. Gil-Galad, his king, his friend, his father in so many ways. Celebrian....  
  
Her arms, her lips, her gentle touch. The sound of her voice, her quiet footsteps, the rustle of her clothes, the sweet smell of her, the feel of her, soft, warm, inviting. So far away from him when he needed her the most.  
  
Tears pricked at the edges of his stormy gray eyes as he stood, trying to hold his grief in. But the grief only grew stronger, and even his emotional barriers couldn't stand against the flood. He sank to his knees, and covered his face with his hands, sobs shaking his form.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
A faint song came from his lips as he walked down the silent halls. His green robes swirled around his ankles as he walked, his unbound golden hair shimmering in the faint candlelight. It had been a good night in the Hall of Fire, but for now he was weary, yet happy.  
  
Suddenly a stab of grief entered his heart. Frowning, he stopped. It was not any grief of his, no, it was Elrond's. He could tell, from the bond the two had. But what could have brought up such pain from his friend?  
  
A wave of protectiveness rushed over Glorfindel as he turned, and headed toward Elrond's rooms. He swiftly arrived, and knocked, only to not receive an answer. Pressing his ear to the door, he tried to hear what was going on inside. The grief within him was just as strong as when it appeared, perhaps stronger. Glorfindel's sharp ears picked up the faintest sounds of sobbing.   
  
He silently opened the door, and looked within. The sobs were coming from the bedroom. He walked silently to the door of the room, and peered in. As he suspected, he found Elrond upon his knees, sobs escaping him.  
  
Worry and grief entered Glorfindel's heart at the sight of his dearest friend in such a state. He went to him, and knelt by him. Gently, he wrapped one arm around Elrond's shaking shoulders, and pulled him to lean against him. He had a good idea as to what had kindle his friend's grief into being, but it hurt him to see him like this. He brought his other hand up to brush Elrond's dark hair back, then hold him close.  
  
He whispered words of comfort, but did not utter the phrase, 'it'll be alright.' It wouldn't be, Glorfindel knew that well enough, and so did Elrond. Inside, Glorfindel's heart tightened as another heartbroken sob escaped his friend. So much had been taken from Elrond, everything in fact. The Half Elven had never had a true moment without grief in his life, not even at his daughter's wedding. No, even that was a sorrowful event, for it was almost like sentencing his daughter to death when he had given her away, Glorfindel had read that in those gray eyes that day. The grief was only beginning to peak out, and Glorfindel knew Elrond needed release from it.  
  
"Elrond," he whispered, rocking the other gently back and forth, as if the other were a small elfling again.  
  
Elrond didn't respond, except to lower his hands from his face, and lean more heavily into his friend. His face was slightly flushed, his eyes were streaming tears, and he murmured softly to himself as he wept.  
  
Glorfindel leaned forward to get what Elrond was whispering.  
  
"Its my fault. Its my fault," was the whispered phrase.  
  
Glorfindel's heart twisted at that, and he held the Elf Lord closer to him.  
  
"Its not, Elrond. Things happen, and sometimes even the Valar know not why they happen," he sighed.  
  
"Thus it is my fault that I suffer so," Elrond said brokenly.  
  
"Nay, some are chosen to suffer, Elrond. I wish it were not you, though. You have suffered more then enough, nîn mell meldir, far too much," Glorfindel hushed him, trying to hold his own tears.  
  
/If only I could take your pain away,/ he thought to himself as he held the other.  
  
"So much has been lost to you, Elrond, and that is not just. But not many things are not just in Arda. Abandonment and loneliness have been your companions for many years, but you shall never be alone," Glorfindel assured him.  
  
Elrond had broken down before, and each time Glorfindel had been with him, caring for him, and knew that what the Half Elven needed the most was to be assured he was not alone, that not everyone had abandoned him.  
  
"I shall not leave you, little one, nor have any of those that are still within your heart. Take comfort," he whispered.  
  
"It is hard to take comfort when one is losing his children," Elrond cried softly, and buried his face in Glorfindel's robe, his pale hand grasping onto Glorfindel's sleeve.   
  
"You are not losing them, Elrond. Arwen will finally be happy, as will Elladan and Elrohir once they choose their course. Arwen shall always be with you in your heart, and I have a feeling that Arda will not bind your sons to death. They shall come, when time allows," Glorfindel said, one hand stroking Elrond's hair.  
  
"How can you be so sure?" Elrond whispered, his voice muffled by Glorfindel's robe.  
  
"Because I know them, and I know you," Glorfindel said softly, pushing Elrond gently away to look into his eyes, "You know them better then I. And I know you wish them to be happy, though it may break your heart. But it will not break you."  
  
Elrond sighed softly, his eyes downcast in guilt, "You are right. I am being selfish to want to keep them with me."  
  
"Nay, not selfish, for you are far from it. Only a Father who doesn't want to let go because he loves and wants to protect his children," Glorfindel said.  
  
Elrond nodded, to grief stricken to answer further.  
  
Glorfindel sighed and looked more closely at Elrond as something caught his attention. Weariness shimmered in Elrond's eyes, and the skin around them was faintly gray from not sleeping for several days.  
  
"I think you had best get to bed, nîn hîr," Glorfindel said gently.  
  
"Nay, I had best get some work done while I can," Elrond said, and ran a hand over his eyes to wipe the remainder of his tears.  
  
"You have time and you need rest," Glorfindel said, slight bit more force to his words.  
  
"I tell you, I shall be alright," Elrond insisted.  
  
"Elrond, I will get you to rest even if I have to carry you to that bed and strap you down in it," Glorfindel jokingly threatened, trying to banish the grief for a while from his friend.  
  
It worked, for Elrond smiled slightly, "Very well, Glorfindel! I do not wish to be tied to my bed, therefore I will go willingly!"  
  
He stood, and Glorfindel stood with him.  
  
"Very well. I shall see you in the morning," Glorfindel said, smiling slightly himself.  
  
"You shall. Good night," Elrond said.  
  
Glorfindel only nodded and exited the room. He had no intention of leaving Elrond alone tonight, not after that incident. But he would have to wait until the other was asleep. Settling down in a chair, he waited. He heard Elrond getting into his bed, then nothing. A little while longer, and Glorfindel stood. Softly walking to the door, he peered in to see Elrond peacefully in Elven sleep. He walked in; making sure Elrond was truly asleep, then walked to the great balcony. He would stay the night, keeping watch over the other, for he knew that during these times Elrond had horrid nightmares that left him grief stricken for days. He would make sure that no nightmares haunted his friend this night.  
  
Turning back to the stars, Glorfindel breathed in the cool night air. Suddenly, a chocked sob came from him and his pale hands gripped the railing. Elrond's memories always brought his own to him, and now Glorfindel's own emotions were becoming known. He stifled another sob, and pushed them back with years of practice. He was here to help Elrond, and there would be no comfort for him for he carried his own burdens alone even as he helped his friend with his. 


	2. Ages of Pain

Glorfindel's past for the most part is a creation of my own. There is no slash here, just to let you know. Sorry it took so long. Thank you for the excellent reviews! Yes, I noticed the mistakes, and I intend to correct them later. As for Glorfindel calling Elrond little one, that is only because he views Elrond as younger, and thus naturally refers to him as that. Just like Ecthelion refers to him as a child in another of my fics. Hope you enjoy this.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Elrond awoke before dawn touched the sky. For the first time in days, he felt rested, for no nightmares had troubled him that night. Rising slowly, he noted a shadow coming from his balcony, and smiled at the familiar shape of it.  
  
*Ah, Glorfindel, what would I do without you,* Elrond sighed softly in his mind, for he knew Glorfindel had been the one to keep his nightmares at bay.  
  
Grabbing his robe and draping it lightly over himself, he went out into the balcony, and came to stand at his best friend's side. He glanced at the golden haired Elf, and his slight smiled turned to a shadow of a frown as he glanced over his friend's features. Glorfindel stood pale and slightly stiff, his glorious green eyes dulled and turned inward, to something Elrond feared unpleasant. Reaching out with a cautious hand, Elrond gently touched his friend's shoulder. The Elf jerked slightly, and his eyes turned outwards to focus on Elrond, though they still remained dull with some hidden pain.  
  
"Did you sleep well, Elrond?" Glorfindel asked, forcing a smile.  
  
Elrond saw through his friend's façade but did not speak of it, for Glorfindel had always hidden his sorrows.  
  
"Thanks to you, I did," Elrond said, and replaced his shadowed frown again with a slight smile, to mask his worry for his friend.  
  
"Anything to help you," Glorfindel said, and his smile became slightly genuine, "Will you be alright?"  
  
"I will, thanks to your help," Elrond said/  
  
"Always, Elrond," Glorfindel said, and lay his hand on top of Elrond's, then slipped from his lord's touch as something dark crossed in his eyes briefly, "I must attend to some things. Call me if you need me."  
  
With that Glorfindel exited Elrond's room, leaving the Elf Lord to ponder his friend's sudden change.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Night had fallen all too quickly, Elrond noted as he moved towards the Hall of Fire for a brief bit of relaxation before retiring to his own rooms. The air was crisp with the feel of coming winter as he walked, and he enjoyed the feel of it as he made his way. As he continued on, he heard the briefest sound of a voice singing, and stopped when he picked up the pained notes of it. Walking slowly forward, he stopped again when he could make out the briefest of words. The voice sang in Quenya, so softly and sadly, that it was nearly impossible for Elrond to make them out. The tone of the song, near swallowed in grief, struck painfully at Elrond's heart. He drew closer, unnoticing that he had done so, and caught the song,   
  
"The gates of Mandos linger shut  
And here I stand upon the mare  
Looking for the evening star  
Darkness gathers  
Light has faded  
Still I stand upon the way  
And ever shall Mandos's gates be shut  
Before one such as me  
And ever shall I bleed  
For what I shall never see  
While the past lingers longer  
The darkness grows stronger  
And my shadows devour my soul  
Yet still I linger, upon the shores  
Forever trapped, forevermore."  
  
The tone changed, and became sadder, and the singer's pain became more pliable in the air. Elrond shuddered under the pain of it, his healer sense arising from his last break down, coming forth, and with it, the knowledge of who sang such lonely words, such a heartbreaking sorrow within such a beautiful voice. He knew who it was, and he feared as the words changed with the tone.  
"Don't wake me if I die this night  
I'll try to stay and fight  
But Valar knows what is right  
And here I suffer alone and in despair  
The stars are out above me now  
And time has broken hearts and towers  
Yet here I stand, and here I remain  
Until the world is changed"  
  
Elrond turned, and sprinted lightly towards his friend's chambers, his heart breaking under such broken words. He tested the bond between them as he ran, wondering how he could have missed such a sadness, but realized with a sundering terror, that Glorfindel had blocked their bond, and sealed it from his side, not allowing Elrond to feel what went on within the soul of the other.  
  
Finally Elrond arrived at the door, and knew Glorfindel would not let him in by his own will. Taking the master keys from the pocket of his robes, Elrond quickly found the key to Glorfindel's room, and opened the door with it.  
  
Stepping into the room, he glanced around, looking for his friend. His gaze fell upon the balcony, the doors to it lying open, the shadow of the on he sought shimmering through them. Stepping lightly forward, silent and slow, he approached his friend, careful to not disturb him.  
  
Glorfindel was silent now, eerily so, not even the sound of his breathing breaking the stillness. He stood erect, nearly painfully so, looking for all the world like a ghost from another time. His skin was pale, horribly so, and the light that had always been within him was darkened. Elrond went forward, and went to stand at his friend's side to see his face. Glorfindel did not notice him; his eyes again dull and turned inward to the darkness that was within.   
  
Elrond spoke not a word, yet gently touched Glorfindel's shoulder, his own barriers shacking at having his foundation shudder. Glorfindel had always been firm, had always been his rock, even when they had first met. He had never seen his friend fall apart like this, yet now he was faced with it, and he knew not what to do. But the healer within him did, and he accepted the strength from it.   
  
Glorfindel did not react to his touch, and Elrond decided that he should continue. Placing his other hand upon the fair headed Elf's back, he leant forward, and whispered Glorfindel's name, hoping to arouse the Elf from his gaze inward. It worked slightly, for Glorfindel stirred enough to whisper words that Elrond did not catch at first, but soon did. He paled at what he heard, and his foundation within shuddered again, before he seized against it.   
  
"I'm sorry, by Valar, I'm sorry. Why? Why? All I am, all I bring, is grief. Why had Mandos let a foul creature like me free, why had Eru made me come into being? I'm so sorry," the whimper came from those usually cheerful lips, now trembling and pale.  
  
Elrond took a deep breath to force his own tears down at those words, and whispered Glorfindel's name once again. Glorfindel stirred more out of his darkness, yet he was still not aware of who was calling him.  
  
"Ecthelion, Encaitarince, beloved, and my son. I wish you could forgive me, yet who am I to be forgiven? Alassea and Máralanquo, I left you both to torture in Morgoth's black halls, to die at my hand. Why? Elrond, oh, I have failed thee, my child heart, my soul brother, my beloved hope. What have I left to give, when darkness has taken all?" this was stronger, yet sadder, reflecting just how far the darkness of a broken heart had spread.  
  
"Glorfindel, how could you have failed me or any of those who you grieve for? I would not have lived if not for you?" Elrond whispered, his hands moving, one taking the place of the other on Glorfindel's arm, turning the Elf towards Elrond, while the other hand sought the pale, cold face that was turned to him. Gently touching the star lit skin of his friend's cheek, he looked into the other's eyes, and shuddered deep within to find how much pain lurked within. How could he have not seen it before? He had no time to question it, only enough to drag his friend back from the blackness that was closing in on the fair Elf, threatening to drag his soul back into the shadows of despair and devour him. Glorfindel did not respond this time, only began to enclose himself within the shadows of his heart once more. Elrond thought quickly, and a half remembered memory came to him. Something Elladan had spoken of once....  
  
"Nárello," Elrond whispered.  
  
Tears filled Glorfindel's eyes, and he blinked, as if slowly coming back to himself. Yet Elrond was again disappointed when Glorfindel whispered, "Maralanquo?"  
  
"Nay, it is Elrond," Elrond said softly, gently stroking the fair, cold skin under his warm hand.  
  
Glorfindel suddenly came back to himself, and pulled sharply from Elrond's grasp. Turning away from him, Glorfindel shuddered as he gained a hold over his broken emotions.  
  
"My lord, you should not be here," Glorfindel whispered, not looking to Elrond.  
  
"I should be here, Glorfindel, let me help you," Elrond said softly, not daring to reach out to Glorfindel again.  
  
"Nay, it is alright, my lord. Please, leave. I shall be fine," Glorfindel said, nearly pleading with Elrond to leave.  
  
"No, I shall not. I should have seen it before..." Elrond was sharply cut off as Glorfindel turned to face him, eyes flaring with suppressed pain and rage, not at Elrond, but at himself.  
  
"I did not wish for you to see it! Now get out!" Glorfindel snapped.  
  
But Elrond stood firm, understanding that he was not the cause of such anger, "No, too long you have been my support, and now you have need of it."  
  
"Never have I needed support, never shall I need support. Leave, Half Elven," Glorfindel growled, turning away.  
  
Elrond was slightly stunned by the dangerous tone he heard coming from Glorfindel, yet still he did not turn from his task, "You do, or else that was nothing."  
  
"It was nothing! Now leave!" Glorfindel hissed.  
  
Elrond stepped forward, and Glorfindel sensed his movement. Turning, Glorfindel violently grabbed the Half Elven's shoulders, and slammed him the rail.   
  
"Why can't you understand? I need to be alone!" Glorfindel snapped, then looked in horror at what he was doing.  
  
Releasing Elrond, he stepped away, and fell to his knees. Elrond straightened, and went to his friend. He was slightly shaken, but did not let affect his resolve to help his suffering companion.  
  
Kneeling, he gently took the other's shaking hands, "Glorfindel."  
  
"My lord?" pale lips whimpered once more, and Elrond's heart shuddered in pain at the aloneness and fear that echoed within that voice.  
  
"Why do you fear, Glorfindel?" Elrond asked softly.  
  
"I fear myself, because all that I have done, and all that I am is darkness and grief. Tis, I even hurt what the Valar has given me to protect," Glorfindel whispered, rising his tearful green near gray eyes and gently pulled one hand from Elrond's grasp to touch Elrond's face, "I dreamed of you before I died. Perhaps I should have taken it as warning to not get close to you. To only protect you, but keep myself separate from you."  
  
"Nay, if you had done that, I would have died when Celebrain left, you were among the few that kept me alive long enough to pull myself together. You have never hurt me, only helped me heal," Elrond whispered."  
  
"Yet I cannot take your pain from you," Glorfindel whimpered.  
  
"Did anyone ask that of you?" Elrond asked, then a realization came to him, and he sighed softly, "Yet, that is why you became Glorfindel, to a sorrowed child those Ages ago, when Arda was young. Ecthelion did not ask it of you, yet you did everything to take his pain away. Glorfindel, even you have right to grieve. Nárello, you once were, Glorfindel you are now, yet you within is both and neither of them. Grieve, and release what darkness has tried to vanquish you, I shall support you this time."  
  
Glorfindel looked at him with eyes wide, for never had anyone offered him their strength. Within, the walls surrounding his heart cracked, and finally shattered under the weight of Ages of sorrow. Tears slid from his eyes, and they turned as gray as the summer storms. He collapsed, boneless to the floor, and wept. Elrond gently lifted his friend, and gently hugged the older Elf to him, rocking him ever so slightly.  
  
Glorfindel shuddered under his hold, sobbing heartbrokenly as he cried out the names of those that had been lost to him, and Elrond began to understand as he watched the barriers fall. Glorfindel had never cried, not as Nárello, and not as Glorfindel. He had only closed himself off more with every loss, and eventually had incased his soul in such bonds that it was agony to find oneself alive. Elrond did not know such sorrow, pain, and grief existed in such a fair soul, and his own heart grieved with his friend as he held him.  
  
Time passed slowly, and with it, the torrent faded. Glorfindel lay exhausted within the arms of his lord, his emotions drained from him as he lay panting, a sob escaping him ever so often, and Elrond continued to mummer to, rock, and comfort him. Closing his eyes, which were still gray with pain, though a faint bit of green now hovered in them, Glorfindel allowed himself to be comforted.  
  
Finally, he spoke, his voice hoarse with grief, "Why, Elrond? Why us?"  
  
Elrond sighed, and looked out to the stars, then back to his best friend, "Because we are chosen to suffer. We accept all others' grief, yet we cannot accept our own. That was why the Valar brought us together, for only together can we help the other to heal when all else has been taken," Elrond whispered.  
  
"It is not a fair fate," Glorfindel sighed.  
  
"It is not a fair world, as someone once told me. But we shall survive, as we always have. We should learn not to hold such grief within, though," Elrond said.  
  
"That we should," Glorfindel whispered, and silence enveloped them for a time, until he spoke again, "Elrond?"  
  
"Yes," Elrond said, looking down to Glorfindel, who was looking back to him.  
  
"Thank you," Glorfindel said.  
  
"Always," Elrond said, and smiled wanly down at him, "Rest, I shall keep your dreams from you this night."  
  
Glorfindel looked like he would protest, but said naught, and instead closed his eyes once more, giving into the exhaustion within him. Elrond smiled, and gently stroked Glorfindel's hair. He turned his gaze back to the stars, and saw two figures standing at the balcony. They stepped forward, and smiled at him. One was a male Elf, the other female, both as clear as glass.  
  
The female stepped forward, and knelt at Elrond's side. Her hand gently touched the sleeping Glorfindel's face, and then she smiled at Elrond, "Thank you," she whispered.  
  
Elrond nodded, careful not to wake Glorfindel.  
  
"We have worried for him. He is lucky to have a friend like you," the silver haired male said, and smiled as well to Elrond.  
  
Elrond knew who he was, for it was Ecthelion from Glorfindel's memory, which Elrond had viewed in their brief uses of their link. The female beside him, he noted, was Glorfindel's wife, and lover, Encaitarince.  
  
"I am blessed to have him as a friend as well," Elrond whispered.  
  
Ecthelion nodded, "We only wished to check upon him, for we felt that he was greatly troubled this night. You do not know how much you have helped him, Elrond, now how much our gratitude runs."  
  
"We cannot stay longer. Yet, I shall relay a massage, Lord Elrond," Encaitarince said softly, and gently kissed Elrond's check, "Your wife had wish for me to send that, and that she waits. She loves you greatly, and knows you shall soon be with her."  
  
Elrond nodded, and smiled at the thought of his beloved wife. Soon, soon they would be together. Worry married his features slightly, but she was quick to reassure him.  
  
"Nay, she is well. We have contact with the living in the Undying Lands, that is why I was able to relay that to you," she said, and smiled again to him, before leaning down and gently kissing Glorfindel's lips, "Sleep well, beloved, and I shall be with thee soon."  
  
She then rose, and went to Ecthelion's side. They gave one last nod to Elrond, ingratitude, and vanished.   
  
Elrond sighed, and looked down to Glorfindel, who lay smiling, his eyes now open in normal Elven sleep, not the sleep of the sick at heart. It would take time to heal, but together they would do it, for themselves, and for those they loved that waited for them on the far shore.  
  
The End 


End file.
